Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
