Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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