I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
