I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
