i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
