Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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