I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize