he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
