awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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