Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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