One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
