if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Randomize
