I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
