Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
