I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
