I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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