You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
