Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
