OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
