I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
