we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
