3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
