if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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