I just cut my nipple shaving
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
