I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
