i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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