So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
