once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize