If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
