A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
