No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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