We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't deserve a penis
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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