dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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