Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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