yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
