WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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