Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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