You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
