so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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