fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
