I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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