Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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