so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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