i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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