oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
