If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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