How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
