The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
