What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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