Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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