My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
