You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
