Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
