he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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