Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
