**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Enjoy the penises
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
