he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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