its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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