we have pet lesbian snakes
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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