the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
