the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
