dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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