I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
