Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
